The best time of year for all National Football League fans.

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Hope springs eternal and every team is 0-0 and tied for first place.

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Looking forward, the NFL average says five new teams make the playoffs each year so these types of predictions are usually null and void before my birthday at the end of September ---quick reminder, I do require a $100 minimum on all gifts ---as the NFL season is always quite whacky.

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With that in mind, strap on your seatbelts 'cuz here we go:

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AFC East

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1 - New England Patriots - Yeah, I thought the dynasty-that-never-would've-happened-if-referee-Ben-Coleman-didn't-have-his-head-up-his-ass (don't know what I'm talking about? see the life-changing picture to the left) was dead last year when the Ravens pounded the Pats in the playoffs. Nope...one more year left in the Pats.

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2 - Miami Dolphins - Getting better and Chad Henne looks like a player. The Fish will make the playoffs as the top wild card and nab the 5th seed in the playoffs.
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3 - New York Jets - The best team ever, just ask 'em. The J-E-T-S, JETS! JETS! JETS! are way too full of themselves and are ripe for a letdown. Oh yeah, second-year quarterbacks have a recent trend of taking a step backwards. Mark Sanchez didn't exactly light it up last year, he'll struggle again this year.

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4 -Buffalo Bills - A mess and on the clock for the 2011 draft.
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AFC North
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1 - Baltimore Ravens - Getting better as Joe Flacco comes of age. The defense is older, but still as good as any.

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2 - Cincinnati Bengals - The Ochocinco-T.O. combo just has to implode at some point. It should be fun to watch calm and quiet Marvin Lewis deal with the personalities, who should play well long enough to get Cincy to the playoffs.

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3 - Pittsburgh Steelers - Too many distractions and one too many stupid quarterbacks on the roster will keep the Steelers home for the playoffs.
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4 - Cleveland Browns - The Brownies got hot at the end of the '09 season and likely saved Eric Mangini's job. Big whoop, they still are sans talent and have no shot at getting out of the North basement.

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AFC South

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1 - Houston Texans - Yeah, the Texans are the sexy (huh-huh, I said sexy) pick this year to make the playoffs so I'll jump on board. This pick makes sense because....

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2 - Indianapolis Colts - the team that loses the Super Bowl ALWAYS misses the playoffs. Well, almost always and that is good enough for me. Peyton Manning and the boys are usually good for at least 11 wins but I'm not going to spit into the heavy wind of a constant trend. Indy'll win 9, and miss the playoffs.

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3 - Tennessee Titans - Kinda wanted to put them ahead of the Colts, but I'm still a Vince Young hater so I won't go there.

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4 - Jacksonville Jaguars - Franchise is busy packing their bags for another locale....L.A. anyone?

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AFC West
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1 - Oakland Raiders - Disclaimer #1 - I'm a Raider fan. Disclaimer #2 - The rest of this division sucks. Rolando McClain and Lamarr Houston were the top two draft picks and will solidify a much-improved defense. The offense will forget Mr. Codeine and be efficient enough to win the division.
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2 - San Diego Chargers - That loud sound you heard last January when the J-E-T-S JETS! JETS! JETS! were celebrating at midfield of Qualcomm was the sound the the 'Bolts window of opportunity slamming shut. The Chargers missed their chance and need to rebuild.

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3 - Kansas City Chiefs - Still terrible, but better than the pungent smell of the team below them.
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4 - Denver Broncos - Josh McDaniels is in way over his head. Drafting Tim Tebow was a waste, trading three picks to draft a guy based on character is down-right stupid.
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NFC East
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1 - Dallas Cowboys - The thought of this team playing in the Super Bowl in the Jerruh-Dome is, in a word, nauseating. They'll win the division but will fail in the playoffs due to having the most overrated player in the NFL (see pic on left).

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2 - Philadelphia Eagles - Kevin Kolb needs a year before the Iggles can take back the Eastern crown.
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3 - Washington Redskins - I picked the 'Skins to go to the playoffs last year. I might be dumb, but I'm not stupid. 7-9 for Shanny's boys.
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4 - New York Giants - Last season's gag is still fresh. The coach is on his last legs and the QB is a weenie for a team suddenly very short on talent.
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NFC North

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1 - Green Bay Packers - Gonna go with the sexy (huh-huh, I said sexy again) in the NFC and I'm okay with that. Aaron Rodgers should have a huge season - an NFL MVP season - behind a better offensive line.
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2 - Minnesota Vikings - Just a hunch, Brett Favre won't last the season but will hang in there long enough to get the Vikes into the playoffs...if Adrian Peterson remembers how to hold on to the football.
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3 - Detroit Lions - Getting there, especially with my boy Ndamukong Suh anchoring the defense. Having Matthew Stafford and Calvin Johnson doesn't hurt either as the Lions are a year away from the playoffs.

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4 - Chicago Bears - Gonna be hard to win games with Jeff George...er, Jay Cutler as your quarterback. Mike Martz will do something to the offense, what it'll be is what I'm not sure of. Last place.

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NFC South
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1 - Atlanta Falcons - Someone new always seems to win the division. QB Matt Ryan enters

his third year and should have a breakout season. A return to form by RB

Michael Turner will put the Falcons over the top in the divison.
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2 - New Orleans Saints - Still partying in N'Awlins to be sure. The Saints will make the playoffs, but won't be able to duplicate last season's magic, including 26 interceptions by the defense.
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3 - Carolina Panthers - These guys are like your next door neighbor that you can't remember their name and know very little about them. Being average will do that to you and this team is average.....and quite dull.

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4 - Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Will resemble the '09 train wreck. A switch back to the old orange unis might spice things up a bit in what'll be an otherwise dreary season in West Florida.
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NFC West

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1 - San Franscisco 49ers - Like the bretheren from the Bay Area, the niners should win the

division simply because everyone else is terrible. QB Alex Smith sucks, but RB

Frank Gore is a stud. Coach Mike Singletary is a great coach and has instilled his personality with his club.
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2 - Arizona Cardinals - Derek Anderson? Huh? Gotta be kidding. There is a reason Cleveland got let him go. WR Larry Fitzgerald is still a monster, but .500 would be a miracle.

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3 - Seattle Seahawks - Shocker that Pete Carroll left USC and the Trojan program got sacked. Timing is everything in life, I guess. Going to the Great Northwest won't to Carroll any favors in proving that he is a viable NFL coach.
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4 - St. Louis Rams - Poor Sam Bradford. Actually, show some pity to the Ram faithful as the team drafted a QB who rarely took snaps from under center in college. Rarely does that pedigree work out.
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Wildcard Playoffs

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AFC - Houston over Cincinnati

Oakland over Miami

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NFC - New Orleans over Dallas

Minnesota over San Francisco

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Divisional Playoffs

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AFC - Baltimore over Oakland

New England over Houston

NFC - Green Bay over New Orleans

Atlanta over Minnesota

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Conference Championship Games

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Baltimore vs. New England - Like what the Ravens have done in giving Flacco some weapons. The defense will slip a bit, but the offense should be very potent with Anquan Boldin and T.J. Houshmanzadeh new to the WR corps.

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In a result similar to the 2009 Divisional round, Ravens 27, Pats 10.

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Atlanta vs. Green Bay

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On the frozen tundra, Atlanta pulls the upset behind the running of Turner and the smoothly accurate passing of Matt Ryan.

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A satisfying win for the team that has yet to win a Super Bowl.

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Atlanta 21, Green Bay 20

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Super Bowl 45 (I'm done with the Roman numeral thing)

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In a battle of third-year quarterbacks, we'll go with Ryan and the Falcons to claim Super Bowl title #1 for the Peach State.

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In a tight struggle with the Ravens, Ryan is the difference and the MVP in this one.

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Atlanta 23, Baltimore 13

Tradin' Paint on a Saturday Night

We gave the World Cup a go a few weeks ago - it feels like six months ago as that thing just won't end - and figure it is time to pony up and catch a NASCAR race.
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I have no clue why NASCAR is so popular, perhaps some insight tonight will help me out here a little bit..

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In an effort to fit it, I've googled a pre-race checklist for fans around the globe before they drop the starting flag (I'll admit, I don't know the color of the starting flag and don't care enought to look it up) in approximately 70 minutes.

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Let's have a glance at the checklist for tonight's big race, the Lifelock.com 400 from Joliet, Illinois....Lifelock.com 400? Wow, sponsorship must be a bit scarce.

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1 - Wash hands in motor oil to create greasy-fingernailed look. Check.

2 - Personal grooming - I showered today...but didn't shave. It'll have to be enough.Who knew?

3- Tin of Skoal and accompanying red party cup to spit in. Check.

4- Soiled John Deere cap, frontwards. Check.

5 - White tank top undergarment, or "wife beater" is on and ready to go. Will put appropriate stain on shirt later tonight. Check

6 - As I possess all of my teeth, I had to blacken out one tooth to meet requirement #6.

7 - Hone skills on southern drawl. ---Git 'er done!; Ya'll; Dam gummit!; Sheeeet!...Check.

8 - Beer. Check.

9 - Beer gut. Check.

10 - Official merchandise of favorite driver - Don't have a favorite driver so this isn't possible. I root for the 24 car as everyone, for some reason, seems to take a disliking to Jeff Gordon. For purposes of irritating as many people as possible, we'll go with the 24 car.

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I'm ready and I'm focused. 400 miles of thrilling action. Here we go:

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6:30 p.m. - I'll skip pre-game show. I have a life.

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7:40 p.m. - Where's the action, i thought we had a 7:30 start time. Think I'll watch some baseball while we wait.

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8:07 p.m. - We are 37 laps in and I have a headache. It's either my chewin' tobaccuh or i tied my bandana on too tightly. Something's gotta give here.

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8:17 p.m. - 11 baseball games on TV and Roy Halladay and Gavin Floyd are throwing peas for the Team Pugsley Baseball Club.

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8:18 p.m. - Note to self - They replay all crashes on Sportscenter tomorrow morning, like 28 times.

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8:20 p.m. - There is a Tums 00 car...wish I had some, watching this is nauseating.

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8:23 p.m. - More left turns

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8:32 p.m. - Look kids ! Big Ben, Parliament.

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8:37 p.m. - Random thought....what happens if a driver has to take a whiz? I can't drive down the street to get ice cream without having to go, much less drive 400 or 500 miles.

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8:45 p.m. - Cincinnati's Travis Wood is perfect thru 7 against the Phils...back to the race.

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8:48 p.m. - McMurray challenges for the lead against Johnson. ACTION! I think i might have wet myself....wait....wait....wait........nope, all clear in my world.

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9:02 p.m. - And around, and around, and around they go. On a good note, the baseball games are getting tighter in the later innings.

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9:05 - Wood is perfect thru 8, Reds and Phils tied 0-0.

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9:06 - Welcome to the Oakland Coliseum for the A's and Angels. Sheets and Kazmir. Go A's.

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9:12 p.m. - Am getting the feeling that, by the time this agony ends, I'll have invested three or four hours of my life that I'll never get back.

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9:13 p.m. - Have decided that NASCAR is a lot like the NBA, I can catch the last five laps and basically see the whole race.

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9:18 p.m. - Wood is heading to the 9th with a perfect game, with the score 0-0. Dude has the biggest zit on his left cheek that I've ever seen on TV.

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9:19 p.m. - Carlos Ruiz doubles off Wood to break up the perfecto. Can't help but wonder if the pimple threw off his equilibrium before serving one up to Ruiz.

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9:20 p.m. - Am thinking that, with that type of insight, maybe i should blog about baseball.

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9:32 p.m. - Checked in on the race, but TNT was in commercial. No update here at this time. I will take credit for at the bare minimum...checking in on the race.

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9:37 p.m. - #'s 7 and 21 crash a bit, very minor. almost deflating.

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9:52 p.m. - off the phone with my bride, who is out of town this weekend...Looks like 2-4 Gordon has the lead. MY MAN! ''''git 'er done""""".....maybe a reason to keep the race on the favorite channel list...for now.

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10:02 p.m. - Raj Davis goes deep for the A's...granny style. Kelly Green & Gold leads the Angels 8-0 in the third.

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10:08 p.m. - The Tums car has taken the lead. I'm still nauseated from this attempt to make this sport exciting. Sorry.

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10:09 p.m. - 50 laps to go, which is 51 too many.

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10:22 p.m. - Tums guy still leads...Gordon fourth with around 20 miles left....Side note: I've gone to the bathroom six times during this race....Kudos to the drivers with more restraint than myself.

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10:32 p.m. - Tums double-zero is the hero tonight with the win (yes, it finally ended) at Joliet. Glad I was able to track it..my life may never be the same.

World Cuppin' Saturday

Home on a rainy Saturday morning with my bride off on her day. Amid some housework, think I'll take in a soccer game while I prep for our evening together tonight.

Who knows, maybe I'm wrong about this "sport". The rest of the globe seems excited, let's give it a go. Maybe, just maybe, I'm on the wrong side of an opinion, which would be a first..

What a week in sports, the greatest trophy in the world (pictured on right), is awarded to the Chicago Blackhawks after a 49-year wait while the non-football playing world competes for the golden paper weight (pictured on left).
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Shouldn't the World Cup trophy be shaped like a foot? Makes sense to me.
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9:55 a.m. - Here come Argentina and Nigeria out of the tunnel! I'm on the edge of my seat as these two foes take the pitch. Wow....Ali-Frazier, Brady-Manning, Hulk-Hogan vs. Ric Flair...I haven't been this stoked since watching the 1988 "friendly" between the Ivory Coast and Honduras.
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10:00 a.m. - Underway in Johannesburg. The pace is slow and methodical. Shocker.

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10:02 a.m. - Nigeria #19 gets a good look and boots one from about 20 yards! Wow, he missed the goal by 20 feet, wide right. He could kick for Florida State.

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10:06 a.m. - GOOOOOOOAALLLLL..#6 on Argentina......Didn't see it, i decided to mop the kitchen floor. DAMN! 1-nil for the Cali Cartel....or is that Columbia?

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10:14 a.m. - Nigeria #15 is down and injured...I THINK HE'S BEEN SHOT! Oh, the humanity. Aren't there any police in Johannesburg?

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10:18 a.m. - Whew....#15 looks OK, running like the wind. And here I was nervously worried about his family, watching at home. Miraculous recovery? I'm wondering what meds the docs may have given him? Hmmmm.........Roids? Do they test for that in this sport? Amazing recuperative powers by #15.
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10:27 a.m. - Have made the bed, total productivity out of me today!

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10:32 a.m. - What is that damn humming noise in Ellis Park Stadium? Sounds like mosquitos to me. Business at the "Off" warehouse in Johannesburg must be booming. That, or there is going to be a serious malaria outbreak.
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Reason #8,491 that I'm glad I'm in America and not there.

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10:45 a.m. - Done with my bathroom break, relieved to find out that neither squad busted out the 2-minute offense in the closing moments of the first half. No Joe Montana, Kenny Stabler, or Tom Brady on the pitch today in South Africa.

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10:56 a.m. - What a first half!
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I swept and mopped the kitchen, 3 bedrooms and the front door area with only vaccuming to go on my self-appointed "to-do" list. This soccer thing is a great source of motivation for me. Maybe the boys in blue and green will ramp it up in half #2 and go no-huddle to open things up a bit.
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Given that there are 29 days of this riveting tourney until the finals, I'm thinking I'll have time to build an addition on the house if I keep watching.
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11:25 a.m. - Just woke from my nap, felt like two hours but was really 29 minutes. Anyone know how to remove drool stains from couch pillows? I'll hear about that one.
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11;32 a.m. - They keep yelling the name "Messy", can't be talking about my house. Nope, not today.

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11:33 a.m. - In the 75th minute, wondering when Nigeria will pull the goalkeeper for an extra attacker. Only 15 minutes left, not including injury time, whatever the hell that is.
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11:34 a.m. - Oh! Yellow card on Nigeria - no idea what that means. Question, as i think aloud...if they pull out a green card during soccer games on U.S. soil, does that cause panic?

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At least in Arizona.
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11:52 a.m. - Final in Johannesburg: Argentina 1, Nigeria nil.
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Can't say I didn't give it a shot 'cuz I did. I came into this thing not liking the sport and that hasn't changed. Perhaps if the rest of the world would hear of a game called "football", this world cup thing would go away.

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It is different that basketball, where you can tune in for the last two minutes of a game to see how it ends. In soccer, it is a slow, painstaking, brutally boring exhibition that lasts roughly 120 minutes.

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Meaning, this is two hours of my life that I'll never get back. After all, I'm never wrong.