Confessions of a Juicer

First apology of the column - yes, I am aware it has been 26 days since my last post.
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I've been hesitant, but the time has come.
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I cannot live with this deep, dark secret any longer.

If my heroes, such as Jason Giambi, A-Roid, and Jose Canseco can admit it, so can I.

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Yes, I’m on the ‘roids. The Juice. Gym Candy.

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I'd like to apologize to my wife, my family, my friends, all my wonderful fans, and most of all, THE GAME that has given me so much in this life.

I know, you’re shocked. I was always pretty buff (see right)……… but even I had to turn to the dark side.

Be clear (pun intended), it isn’t a cream and my butt hasn’t been injected with anything……ever. (That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!).

I take juice the old fashioned way, in the form of a pill. Unlike A-Roid, I’m leaving my cousins out of this one. I got my “helpers” from a legit “doctor”, at least that is what I call him.

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Like Andy Pettitte and many others, I’m on the juice to help rehab from a physical ailment. Seriously.

The dreaded foot infection.

Sure, I’m now able to type 180 words a minute – error free, of course – and my accounting skills have never been better on the day job. Heck, I’ve already closed our first quarter of the year and we still have one month to go before the quarter ends.

The downsides to my new hobby? There are a few but I’m managing to deal with them.

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Roid Rage? No problem. I’m a menace on the roads anyway so what’s the difference ?

True, a coach tried avoiding a direct question after I did a hoop game the other night. I got in his face and got the answers I wanted. I call that “results”.

At the day job, I expend the extra anger the juice affords me by calling deadbeat clients who have a hard time putting the pen and the checkbook together.

Shriveled ‘Nads? Again, no problem. I’m old anyway. It was inevitable.

The lesson? Well, I feel better, almost cleansed in coming out of the 'Roid closet. Where is Peter Gammons? While I don't have a pretty blue sweater like A-Roid, I'd welcome an interview.

Memo to any ALLEGED 'roiders......Roger, and Barry, and you too Raffy and Big Mac among others....... come clean, you might just feel a wee bit better.

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For me, I only have three more days of magic left in my un-refillable bottle.

Wonder if A-Roid’s cousin is available for a phone call?

Is it A-Rod, or A-Roid ?

Is it A-Rod, or A-Roid?
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It appears as though there is an answer to that question as, according to Sports Illustrated, it appears that Alex Rodriguez failed a steroid test in 2003.
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And I thought there wouldn't be anything to talk about with the Super Bowl complete and March Madness being six weeks away.
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Yes, I must admit, ripping A-Rod is a favorite hobby of mine. I think he comes off as a phony and he seems to have a difficult time handling the adverstiy that comes with making more cash during than the entire Florida Marlins team.
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I enjoy his annual October failures more than most and I'm eagerly awaiting a statement on this report that has merit. His inital response of "You'll have to talk to the union" isn't good enough.
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In the court of public opinion, anything other than a denial is an admission of guilt. Since I'm a member of the court of public opinion, and this is my blog, I'm annoting myself as judge and jury, I'm going to believe the SI report that was verified by four sources.
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The other part of this is that I don't think Rodriguez has the intestinal fortitude to come out and admit it. He won't face jail time and the failed test was prior to Major League Baseball instituting its testing policy.
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Jason Giambi came clean, so did Andy Pettitte and others. Society is forgiving to those who show remorse. They have gone on with their careers.
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Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens have been defiant, look where they are right now. Mark McGwire didn't want to talk about the past and Rafael Palmeiro lectured legislators before failing a test later that season.
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Chances are, none of those listed above will see the Hall of Fame. The early thought out there now is that neither will Rodriguez.
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It wasn't all that long ago that Jose Canseco came out and name A-Roid as a steroid user. Rodriguez denied the charge.

In his time since leaving the big leagues, Canseco has said many things. At the time, most were viewed as self-servent and as an outrageous attempt to peddle his books and make some coin.
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As time goes forward, Jose Canseco sounds more and more like the only guy with enough guts to tell the truth.
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Is It That Time Already????.

So, I'm at work the other day when the email arrives.........yes, it is time for the annual NASCAR pool at my place of employment, free of charge.

.Fifty-One weeks of fun with hard-driving cars making left turns, revved up engines and tons of chewing tobacco and motor oil.

I couldn't have deleted the offer quick enough.
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Instead of trying to figure out why this sport ---I'm not even sure this qualifies as a sport any more --- is so popular, I'm not going to bother showing an interest. I just don't care.
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In that spirit, I'm deciding where NASCAR fits in my viewing plans when going over options of sports that I'd prefer to view.
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NFL Football? Check.
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Baseball? Check
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Hockey? Check
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College Hoops? Check
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College Football? No Brainer
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Golf? Yep, like to watch that one also.
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Tennis? Don't really care but I'd put it over NASCAR....NFL Pro Bowl? I'm checking in on that along with watching an NBA game over the Daytona time trials so I guess those two items are higher.
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Curling? Yep....underrated and up and coming sport. Women's soccer? Yeah, but its close.

Okay, now we know where the line is. I'd rather watch NASCAR than men's soccer and WNBA.
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Check back next year motorheads, we'll see where your sport ranks then.

Almost, But Not Good Enough

So, I’m watching Hillary Clinton yapping during the Democratic National Convention Tuesday night, and I’m thinking to myself,

“Self, everyone thought she was going to win this thing. She had a huge lead early in the primary season. the name recognition, gobs of cash, the allure of being the first woman ever to win the Presidency. Add to that, a severe case of gross incompetence in the Oval Office for eight years that has this country aching for a change. Wow, she and her people really screwed this thing up for her not to win."

I’m wondering, who are the sports equivalents to Mrs. Clinton? I’m not talking pure losers here - well actually....., no, I won't make this personal– but more along the lines of those who got to the big moment, the big stage and with high expectations, and failed once the bright lights turned on.

Who in the world of sports has done less with more? Here is at least a partial list (feel free to comment if I’ve omitted anyone).

The Buffalo Bills – Yes, they have to be first on this list. Getting to the Super Bowl four times in four years is historic, but you have to WIN one of them.

The better team in Super Bowl XV got outcoached and outplayed long before Scott Norwood yakked what would have been the game-winning field goal against the Giants.

The train wreck continued the next year when Thurman Thomas missed the opening snap the next year against Washington in Super Bowl XVI is one of the most vivid memories of that game.

Throw in consecutive beatings by the Cowboys and the nightmare is complete.

Alex Rodriguez –The poster boy for the under achieving Yankees, “Mr. April” is great with his team up or down six runs, just don’t count on him in the clutch, whether it be the regular season or the playoffs.

Remember the Yanks dropping their $275-million man to eighth in the batting order for their elimination game against Detroit in 2006? I do.

In New York, as in most places, world championship rings mean more than MVP awards and padded stats. To date this season, A-Rod is hitting .245 with runners in scoring position and two outs, and is batting .100 with the bases loaded. The Yankees opened a series Tuesday at home against Boston, their season in the balance. The highest paid player in the game posted a nifty 0-5, with two strikeouts and seven, yes seven, men left on base. New York lost 7-3 and its playoff hopes dimmed even more.

His announcement that he was opting out of his contract last October was an attempt to take the spotlight off of the World Series and place it upon himself, thus placing himself above the game.

Whether it was orchestrated by Rodriguez or his agent Scott Boras is insignificant, it was a classless move and took the thunder away from John Lester, a cancer survivor who had just become the winning pitcher in the World Series clincher.

It was as close as A-Rod has come to making news in the World Series.

1970’s Minnesota Vikings – See the above reference for the Buffalo Bills. The Purple People Eaters were terrors throughout the decade, until it came time for the Super Bowl. Dominant in the regular season, soft and weak on the game’s grandest stage will get you on this list.

Karl Malone – NBA’s second all time leading scorer and considered the game’s greatest power forward. When the lights were at their brightest, nobody played smaller.

Yes, Michael Jordan was in his heyday, but Malone and the Jazz could’ve beaten the Bulls in either NBA Finals matchups had the Mailman delivered in the big moment.

In his final season, Malone tried to ride the coattails of Shaq and Kobe with the Lakers in 2004 and was a big part of LA’s five-game beatdown at the hands of the Pistons.

Chicago Cubs – 99 years of failure. Leading the NLCS 3 games to 1 in 1993 and enter Steve Bartman to immortality. ‘Nuff said. This could change in roughly 60 days or so. Stay posted

Jean Van de Velde – The frenchmen’s gaffe at the 1999 British Open tops Greg Norman’s collapse in the ’96 Masters and Phil Mickelson’s, “I’m such an idiot” performance at the 2006 U.S. Open.

Van de Velde, who merely needed a six on the par-4 18th hole in the final round at Carnoustie, Scotland, made triple bogey to wind up in a three-way playoff, which he lost. Be it the rough, the water, or the grandstand seating area, Van de Velde found it on the 18th hole.

2004 New York Yankees – Yeah, I know, 26 world championships. Good for you, but what have you done for me lately?

How about blowing a three games to none lead in the ALCS to bitter rival Boston in 2004. A historic collapse was the springboard for the Red Sox Nation to capture its first World Series title in 804 years.

Yankee announcers and fans will remind you thrice daily about the long history of this team. However, the recent history consists of three straight first round playoff losses and a good chance to miss the playoffs this season.

And it all began with the collapse against the Red Sox. Trust me, that hurts.

1990-2000's Atlanta Braves -Thirteen straight playoff appearances is nice, but you have to win more than one World Series. Maybe that is why the team was staring at a bunch of empty seats in October near the end of the run. The effort was nice but it wasn't good enough.

Coming Soon – THE Ohio State Buckeyes. A win at USC on September 13 sets the table for OSU to get drilled in the BCS title game for a third year in a row.

Like I said, if I’ve left anyone out, please leave a comment and we can let this list build.