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I have no clue why NASCAR is so popular, perhaps some insight tonight will help me out here a little bit...
In an effort to fit it, I've googled a pre-race checklist for fans around the globe before they drop the starting flag (I'll admit, I don't know the color of the starting flag and don't care enought to look it up) in approximately 70 minutes.
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Let's have a glance at the checklist for tonight's big race, the Lifelock.com 400 from Joliet, Illinois....Lifelock.com 400? Wow, sponsorship must be a bit scarce.
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1 - Wash hands in motor oil to create greasy-fingernailed look. Check.
2 - Personal grooming - I showered today...but didn't shave. It'll have to be enough.Who knew?
3- Tin of Skoal and accompanying red party cup to spit in. Check.
4- Soiled John Deere cap, frontwards. Check.
5 - White tank top undergarment, or "wife beater" is on and ready to go. Will put appropriate stain on shirt later tonight. Check
6 - As I possess all of my teeth, I had to blacken out one tooth to meet requirement #6.
7 - Hone skills on southern drawl. ---Git 'er done!; Ya'll; Dam gummit!; Sheeeet!...Check.
8 - Beer. Check.
9 - Beer gut. Check.
10 - Official merchandise of favorite driver - Don't have a favorite driver so this isn't possible. I root for the 24 car as everyone, for some reason, seems to take a disliking to Jeff Gordon. For purposes of irritating as many people as possible, we'll go with the 24 car..
I'm ready and I'm focused. 400 miles of thrilling action. Here we go:
I'm ready and I'm focused. 400 miles of thrilling action. Here we go:
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6:30 p.m. - I'll skip pre-game show. I have a life.
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7:40 p.m. - Where's the action, i thought we had a 7:30 start time. Think I'll watch some baseball while we wait.
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8:07 p.m. - We are 37 laps in and I have a headache. It's either my chewin' tobaccuh or i tied my bandana on too tightly. Something's gotta give here.
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8:17 p.m. - 11 baseball games on TV and Roy Halladay and Gavin Floyd are throwing peas for the Team Pugsley Baseball Club.
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8:18 p.m. - Note to self - They replay all crashes on Sportscenter tomorrow morning, like 28 times.
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8:20 p.m. - There is a Tums 00 car...wish I had some, watching this is nauseating.
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8:23 p.m. - More left turns
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8:32 p.m. - Look kids ! Big Ben, Parliament.
8:32 p.m. - Look kids ! Big Ben, Parliament.
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8:37 p.m. - Random thought....what happens if a driver has to take a whiz? I can't drive down the street to get ice cream without having to go, much less drive 400 or 500 miles.
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8:45 p.m. - Cincinnati's Travis Wood is perfect thru 7 against the Phils...back to the race.
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8:48 p.m. - McMurray challenges for the lead against Johnson. ACTION! I think i might have wet myself....wait....wait....wait........nope, all clear in my world.
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9:02 p.m. - And around, and around, and around they go. On a good note, the baseball games are getting tighter in the later innings.
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9:05 - Wood is perfect thru 8, Reds and Phils tied 0-0.
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9:06 - Welcome to the Oakland Coliseum for the A's and Angels. Sheets and Kazmir. Go A's.
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9:12 p.m. - Am getting the feeling that, by the time this agony ends, I'll have invested three or four hours of my life that I'll never get back.
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9:13 p.m. - Have decided that NASCAR is a lot like the NBA, I can catch the last five laps and basically see the whole race.
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9:18 p.m. - Wood is heading to the 9th with a perfect game, with the score 0-0. Dude has the biggest zit on his left cheek that I've ever seen on TV.
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9:19 p.m. - Carlos Ruiz doubles off Wood to break up the perfecto. Can't help but wonder if the pimple threw off his equilibrium before serving one up to Ruiz.
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9:20 p.m. - Am thinking that, with that type of insight, maybe i should blog about baseball.
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9:32 p.m. - Checked in on the race, but TNT was in commercial. No update here at this time. I will take credit for at the bare minimum...checking in on the race.
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9:37 p.m. - #'s 7 and 21 crash a bit, very minor. almost deflating.
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9:52 p.m. - off the phone with my bride, who is out of town this weekend...Looks like 2-4 Gordon has the lead. MY MAN! ''''git 'er done""""".....maybe a reason to keep the race on the favorite channel list...for now.
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10:02 p.m. - Raj Davis goes deep for the A's...granny style. Kelly Green & Gold leads the Angels 8-0 in the third.
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10:08 p.m. - The Tums car has taken the lead. I'm still nauseated from this attempt to make this sport exciting. Sorry.
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10:09 p.m. - 50 laps to go, which is 51 too many.
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10:22 p.m. - Tums guy still leads...Gordon fourth with around 20 miles left....Side note: I've gone to the bathroom six times during this race....Kudos to the drivers with more restraint than myself.
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10:32 p.m. - Tums double-zero is the hero tonight with the win (yes, it finally ended) at Joliet. Glad I was able to track it..my life may never be the same.
